Scarred

Scar: A mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed

Before last year I was unable to share about our journey with infertility because I hadn’t healed from that pain. It was embarrassing and it wasn’t something that I didn’t want to be pitied for. I felt that if I shared it, people would think that I was less of a woman. I have also prided myself on being able to accomplish the things I set out to do. But this was one thing that I didn’t have the power to make happen on my own. Although my body had healed from the process, my heart hadn’t.

I had allowed what happened to our family define who I was as a woman. It was difficult for people to understand because I looked ok but what no one knew is that I had wounds on my heart that didn’t heal as fast as the ones on my body. Scars are evidence that there was once trauma but that time has passed and healing has taken place.

Not only did our loss leave me with physical scars, but what cut deeper were the spiritual, emotional, and mental ones. Those were the ones no one gave me instructions to care for. I knew to observe my stitches to make sure an infection didn’t set in and the amount of time I needed for my body to recover, but no one told me how long it would take for everything else to get back to normal.

I didn’t know then that I would never go back to “normal”, that I would be forever changed by what we went through. It wasn’t only my body that changed, but it was also my heart. The scars people couldn’t see had caused me to lose hope in God and in myself. My internal wounds caused much more damage than anything anyone could see. Shame had started to create a wound of its own and so did doubt. An infection of other issues had set in because the original wound had never been addressed. I kept it covered so long that healing never took place.

Psalm 34: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

My heart didn’t start to heal until I revealed how I really felt. I was able to really experience who God was when I stopped hiding behind the mask of all of my other achievements. I had replaced healing in a broken area with excelling in others. I didn’t realize that my wound couldn’t become a scar until I ripped off the Band-Aid I had used to cover it up. God can’t heal what we won’t reveal.

There is no need to be ashamed of what has scarred you. Scars are stripes of victory that show you were hurt at one point but now you’re healed. They’re evidence that you’ve gone through something but it didn’t go through you. Scars are a badge of honor to be worn bravely, they say: I SURVIVED!

We all have to go through things in life that hurt us, damage us, scare us, or discourage us but don’t let it destroy you. A wound left unaddressed can kill you. As painful as healing may be, leaving it unchecked is even worse. Your scars may never go away but your healing is worth the evidence.

 
With All My Love,
Mrs. Truscott