Open Heart Surgery

When God told me to have the members of Wives in Waiting do this journal challenge, I was obedient. I didn’t ask any questions because I trust His instructions even though I don’t always understand them. And even when He gave me the books of the Bible we would be studying during the challenge I didn’t hesitate to pass the directions along. Not until I started writing did I begin to understand what God was going to accomplish during the last 61 days of the year. This entire year Wives in Waiting has been in existence was preparation for “open-heart” surgery.

Open-heart surgery is any surgery where the chest is opened and surgery is done on the heart muscle, valves, arteries, or other parts of the heart (such as the aorta). The term "open" means that the chest is "cut" open. The definition of open heart surgery has become confusing because new procedures are being done on the heart through smaller cuts. Some new procedures are being done with the heart still beating.

In order to repair the damage done to our hearts, God has to cut them open. Anytime we go through cutting, it’s a painful process during and after the procedure is done. And the new types of surgery means our heart could still be beating with the pain of our pasts when God decides to cut us open. Hebrews 4:12 says “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires”.

I didn’t expect the challenge to have the impact on me that it is. I’ve read all of the books of the Bible we are studying, multiple times, but my heart wasn’t in the condition it needed to be in for me to see what I needed to see. There were things that I buried deep down into the darkest places of my heart that I wouldn’t let anyone see. But God decided to use this time to cut my heart open where everything was exposed to Him. There was no place for me to hide anything because it all became visible to God. Every hurt, pain, shame, embarrassment, guilt, and heartbreak was being examined under a microscope and it HURTS!!!

There have been some things that I held on to because I thought it was too painful to let it go. These were not things that other people did to me, but it was pain I inflicted on myself. Just like the person with the clogged arteries, I made decisions that were damaging to my health (spiritually and physically) and I was too ashamed to tell the doctor (God) how the problem started. So He used the past year to prep me for surgery. Slowly, but surely, I would reveal parts of my heart to God until I was comfortable enough for Him to cut my heart open. Some things I couldn’t bear to think about, He started to repair them…with my heart still pumping. He is allowing me to witness my own heart being changed so I can understand the damage my secrets have caused. I have been given a front row seat to watch my heart of stone be transformed to a heart of flesh.

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

The difference between now and a year ago, is that I am ready to show the parts of me that were still broken. I was tired of trying to cover up what needed to be healed because it was continuing to break my heart. I got desperate and did the only I think I knew how to do: STRIP! I knew there were deep parts of my heart that I hadn’t let God touch. I just had not been strong enough to be vulnerable with myself or with God.

It is our willingness to accept God’s strength in our weakness that helps us get through the times when the cutting goes deeper than we expected. It’s when what we buried starts burning a hole in our souls that we know we have to reveal what we’ve been hiding. I have to constantly remind myself that “God can’t heal what I refuse to reveal”. He’s not going to force Himself on me because that’s not real love. He wants us to give Him permission to cut our hearts and look for things we wanted to forget were there.

In addition to allowing the surgery to happen, you have to take care of where you’ve been cut:

v  Keep the incision clean and dry.

v  Use only soap and water to cleanse the area.

v  Eat a healthy diet to help healing.

The same instructions the doctor gives his patient are the same instructions God gives us. Be sure to keep the area exposed to the Son so it can stay clean and dry and feed yourself the Word so you can keep healing. This process is easier said the done but the point of cutting you is to heal you, not make you worse. Be on the lookout for any sign of a sin infection: wanting to go back to what God just delivered you from, craving anything other than the truth, and a resistance to changing your behavior. In order to keep your heart healthy, you have continuously examine it and the things that go in it.

As painful as this process may be, it’s all to save your life. Not just here on earth, but eternally! 

With All My Love,
Mrs. Truscott