Help Mate or Hurt Mate?

A fixer-upper may be a quality that you for in a house, but not a husband. So many women see their husbands as their pet projects to mold into the men they want them to be instead of letting them become the man God designed them to be. Too many times we take on the role of architect when we only meant to enjoy the creativity God used to create our husbands. Put down your pencil and paper before you erase what God has already done..

Don’t make the mistake of going into a marriage with the plans or thoughts of changing the man you marry. When you say “I do” you are stamping your seal of approval on your husband. If you don’t approve, don’t say that you do. If there is work you still think he needs to do before he becomes your husband, let him complete that work before he changes your last name. We try to use marriage as a way to manipulate our husbands into doing, saying, and becoming who we believe he needs to be. We have turned into “hurt mates” instead of “help mates”. Your husband’s identity can only be found in God, not in you dictating to him who you think he was created to be.

Stop marrying for potential and start looking at the person!

If they never change, would you still want to be their wife? If the answer is no, that is not the man for you. Our marriages are being ruined because we don’t know how to pray for our husbands to submit to God. But that’s not what we really want, we want them to do what we think is right. In all actuality, we want great boyfriends not good husbands. As a husband, he is the spiritual covering over your house and has to directly answer to God for decisions that are made regarding your family. We know that to be true but yet we continue to try to influence his decisions for our benefit. 1 Corinthians 6:12 12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

Are you pushing him closer to God or wanting to have him wrapped around your finger? We say that we want a man that will go to God on our behalf but we show God that we really want a man that we can control. You have to change your viewpoint on marriage because if your husband can’t hear from God because you’re passing out instructions so loud, you’re both in trouble. You’re  in the hot seat because you won’t let your husband be the head without you rolling your neck and he’s in trouble because he married a woman that can’t submit to him or to God.

We think it’s cute that our husbands do whatever we say when we say it. That’s a counterfeit relationship!

You are less like a virtuous woman when you manipulate your husband to “get your way”. Proverbs 31:11 Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. If your husband can’t trust you to give him input that is, first, beneficial to God and then to your marriage you are not fulfilling your role as his wife. While you are giving him detailed instructions on how to be a better husband, have you taken the time to see how you can be a better wife? Your inability to let him do his job reflects your lack of trust in God. Is it that you did the choosing instead of letting God or do you not believe His word that He will supply all of your needs?

Our tendency to want to control our husbands reflects how out-of-control our own lives are. If you can’t rest with the man God has placed over your household, you should be checking the root of your relationship with God. If the man can’t be trusted, he shouldn’t be your husband. Spend time searching your heart on why you want to change him from who God made him to be into who you want him to be. We send mixed signals all of the time. We agree to marry him but while on the honeymoon we go over our checklist of what we “need” him to change. Marriage is not about anticipating what you can get him to do but enjoying who he is. If you don’t enjoy it while you’re dating, you definitely won’t enjoy it for an eternity.

As his wife, make a diligent effort on how you can help your husband instead of hurt him. That starts with doing a heart check….on yourself. Peer inside of what the real issue is. If you are struggling with trusting God, you need to build your relationship with him before you destroy the relationship with your husband. Let’s restore our marriages to their rightful order: wives being wives and allowing their husbands to be all that God has called them to be!

With All My Love,
Mrs. Truscott