Married and...Miserable
How does it feel to get something you thought you wanted but
it turned it to be exactly what you didn’t want? What happens when you do
everything, give up everything to get what you want but then you realize you
were better off before you had it? Why is it that he seemed be Mr. Right until
you married him and he turned into Mr. Wrong? So many times we are in one phase
of our lives and the next one just seems to be so much better. As women, we
seem to think that being married will solve all of our problems, only to find
out that they added to them.
We see marriage as a land full of bliss and happiness when
we’re single only to find out that it’s more work than we bargained for. Being
in a marriage where you feel trapped is not what God had in mind when He
created the union. Marriage is the joining of your life and your husbands to
create a new one. But why is it that you feel that you’ve traded your life for
a piece of hell? The problem is that we put undue pressure on ourselves and our
husbands that neither of us can meet. We have placed him in the position as our
Knight in Shining Armor that has come to rescue us from the evil land of
Singleville. We allow ourselves to place our identity in someone just as
imperfect as us. Unknowingly, you have made an idol out of your husband…placing
him in a position that only God should be in. Only to find out, not only do
they not know who we are but they are also trying to find out who they are.
Having your name changed is a mere formality in a marital relationship. But we
seem to believe that this is when our lives change. But that is the furthest
thing from the truth. If you have waited to become a wife after you marry your
husband, you are not trained for the job God has given you. God’s word tells us
that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. You can’t wait until your
husband meets you down the aisle to learn what a wife means.
Your husband does not define you, God does.
Learning how to be a wife is something you have to find out
before you get married. You aren’t able to enjoy the beauty of marriage because
you are so broken from the disappointments of not finding yourself in your
husband. He wants a wife and you want a fairytale. Bring yourself back into
reality of who you married and your role in the marriage. Or maybe, you didn’t
let God do the choosing and now you find yourself trying to live according to a
God that he’s not submitted to.
What do you do when you have to obey a man that disobeys
God?
1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to
your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be
won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the
purity and reverence of your lives.
Just because you took away God’s choice in the beginning
does not mean you are free to do what you want now. As a child of the King, you
are still responsible for obeying the Lord. This is the importance of letting
Him do the choosing. God does not release you from your duties as a wife
because you didn’t allow Him to do His duties as the Lord.
In either scenario, you don’t have to be stuck in misery if
you don’t choose to be. Your life can turn into a masterpiece, whether your
husband changes or not. You have to be the change you want to see. Remove the
burden from your husband of giving you a perfect life and start honoring the
Perfect God. That is where your identity lies. You cannot expect one creation
to speak life into another, that ability is reserved for God. And if you made the
mistake of jumping ahead of God and choosing for yourself, ask God to forgive
you and give you the grace to learn how to submit to the word of the Lord. God
charges you to pray for your husband, not demean or divorce him. Learn how to
show him the love that God has given you. This is not about changing him but
about submitting your will to God’s. Learn from your mistakes and recognize
where your will got you.
With All My Love,
Mrs. Truscott
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