Growing Pains
Carrying life
inside my womb has been one of the most fulfilling journeys that I have ever
embarked on. It is so much more beautiful and different than anything I have
ever experienced in its own unique way. It’s hard to grasp the depth and width
of the process because each day, doctor’s appointment, and moment is so different
from the one before. Outside of my relationship with God and my marriage, I am
not sure that I have felt intimacy on this level. Even though I have yet to see
my sweet baby’s face, I feel like I know this child better than any other
person on the face of this earth. And while I am the place where this baby
grows, they know me intimately.
While of this
is an amazing process knowing and being known, there are also parts of this
journey that are not as pleasant. Hear me out! This is not a blog about complaining,
bemoaning, or forsaking this process. I remember seeing women who begged God to
get pregnant, or receive anything they had waited patiently for, and then beg
God to make that thin fit into their perception of what it should be. This is
not one of those moments.
Also, I know
that for the most part, my pregnancy has been “easy”. Thankfully, I have not
really had to deal with nausea, food aversions/cravings, excessive weight gain,
or any of the not-so-great things that other women experience. I am so grateful
that my time during these precious moments have been so enjoyable but one of
the things that I didn’t expect is all the aches and pains that come along with
growing another human being. My hips hurt, my hands and feet or swollen, and my
belly is heavy. When I talked to my doctor about it, he said I was experiencing
normal “growing pains”. In hindsight, of course it’s going to hurt to be the
oven where our little bun is baking. But as it’s been happening, it’s challenged
my expectations of what I felt this process would be and it got me to thinking.
How many times
do we pray for something without taking the process into consideration? Sometimes
we don’t consider that we are going to have to readjust our lives or make room
for what we’re praying for. Our idea of an answered prayer is God dropping the
answer to fit in into how our lives are so neatly put together. We don’t want
our feathers getting ruffles or have to move out of our comfort zone, even if
it’s for something we say that we want.
Here’s the
thing. We assume that anything that causes us pain or discomfort is punishment.
But what this pregnancy is continuing to teach me is that everything that hurts
isn’t bad. The way my body is currently set up at 28 weeks does not leave
enough room for our child to properly grow. And they need the room to grow because
they are receiving exactly what they need to be able to be healthy outside of
my womb. What’s causing pain on the outside of my body is a direct result of
the miracle that’s happening inside of my body. PAUSE!!!!
Psalm
139:13-16
13 For
You formed my inward parts;
You covered
me in my mother’s womb.
14 I
will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous
are Your works,
And
that my soul knows very well.
15 My
frame was not hidden from You,
When
I was made in secret,
And
skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And
in Your book they all were written,
The
days fashioned for me,
When
as yet there were none of them.
The inward
parts of my child are being formed to fit the exact purpose God has for them
but that forming is causing me pain. The times when we think we are being tried
by fire are really just part of the growing process. While our child uses my
womb as their little apartment, I experience discomfort. While God makes
substance out of what was once unformed, He is writing the story for both of
our futures. He is making room where it’s necessary for our child to have room
to become exactly what He’s called them to be. Even now, before I’ve laid eyes
on the beauty of our DNA, God has made room for them in my life.
Once my child arrives,
I will be able to see what I have been feeling for all these months. Their presence
will be the fruit of the pain I experienced and the preparation it took to make
room for them. Once they are here, it will be too late for my body to stretch
to give them the space they need. It’s the work that’s happening while they are
unseen that makes their life afterward a success.
My growing
belly is a constant reminder that God is always working on the inside and that
work will show up on the outside. Sometimes you have to withstand the
discomfort because it’s necessary to make room for what you’ve been praying
for. It’s not enough to simply pray for God’s will for your life, you have to
be willing to endure the process of making room for it. There are some things
that you are believing God for and you think preparation happens once you see
it but what God is doing is an internal work for an external manifestation.
I think it’s so
appropriate for this song to be on repeat until Baby Truscott arrives: Make Room
Mrs. Truscott
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